Closing the door on 2010

Dear 2010,
I didn't like you. You've had some really nice highlights, but for the most part, I'm really glad to see you go. I have high hopes for your successor!
Although you were not great to me, you've taught me some things that I'd like to remember:

1- Family is the most important thing. Nothing can bring you more happiness. Place the ones you love at the top of your priority list, and all will be good in your life.

2- Cherish every moment you spend with your children. Life is not always fair, and bad things happen. Never be in a position to look back in time and wish you would have spent more time with them.

3- Minimize. Less is more. When you spend less time focusing on "things" that make you happy, you will find what truly makes you happy.

4- On a lighter note, I've also learned that Max Factor 2000 calorie mascara is not available in the US anymore. This totally bums me out. Best. Mascara. Ever.

So, I don't know how many people actually read this, but I wish you a very happy and healthy new year!
AJ

The Drama!

I'm not sure what is behind my son's latest antics, but they are quite dramatic!
I can't even pinpoint when it started, because it was subtle....but he has started to say "my leg hurts" when he either wants attention or wants to divert attention. What the heck?

It seemed to begin innocently during meal preparation time.  I would be trying to get dinner together while he played in the next room, and he runs into the kitchen and says "my leg hurts".  So I stop, take a look, and determine that nothing is wrong.  He sometimes requests a BooBoo Buddy, sometimes requests that I play with him, but most times moves along.

On a few occasions, he cries while grabbing his leg and saying that it hurts.  Usually after some hugging and re-assurance, he calms down.  Problem averted.

He will even say it sometimes in very casual conversation.....like at Thanksgiving when I was sitting at the table talking with family.  He walked up to me and calmly said, "My leg hurts.  Come play with me."  Everyone looked at me funny, and I just told them he says that when he wants attention.  Mother of the year, baby.

Skip to last night.  Oh my.  This kid was fine.  Really fine.  I said it was time for dinner, and he ran into the kitchen.  When he saw the plate of noodles (the kind he loves), he screamed, "No want those noodles, my leg hurts!!".  He started crying hysterically.  Out of control.   Huge tears, red-faced sobbing.  We tried the BooBoo Buddy.  No.  I hugged him, asked him to show me where it hurt.  He pointed to his knee.  I asked him to sit at the table, HE LIMPED to the table while continuing to cry hysterically for 15 to 20 minutes.  Nothing worked....until I asked him if some chocolate milk would help his leg.  STOP.  what? chocolate milk?  YES.  Crying stopped.  Leg is better.  Milk was drunk.  Noodles were eaten.

What the hell?  Seriously kid.  You confuse me.  I don't know where this came from, but I hope it stops soon.   It tears at my heartstrings to think you might be in pain, but it really pisses me off to think you are doing this for attention.  I don't think we could lavish more attention on you if we tried.

Matt says we should ignore it.  But what if it really does hurt?  Is this crazy?  Why would he limp? It really is never boring at our house. 

AJ

I'm having a very strange day

This morning started out very normally.  Cy was awake at 5:30am and wanted to play.  Of course.  Its only a Saturday...why would a toddler want to sleep in?  I was able to get him to lay in bed with us until 6, but then I heard this " I want a waffle, and juice, and a vitamin".  Um, okay...sleeping time is obviously over.

We're still dealing with the daily Pooping in the Pants.  Since he didn't poop yesterday (bonus for me), I knew there would be something coming today.  We were going to a friend's house for playgroup, so I gave him this decision:
1- Wear pullups and poop as needed.  No repercussions.
2- Wear underwear and poop on the toilet.  If poop happens in the pants, the trains would be dismantled for the entire day.
He decided underwear.  Great.
And then he pooped on the toilet DURING playgroup.  What?  Okay.  I'll take it.  But, strange.  This is the ultimatum I should have started with a month ago!

Skip to grocery shopping.  I started shopping quite normally.  I was on a semi-tight time budget since I had a haircut scheduled for 4pm.  Half way through shopping, I was looking for the perfect apple, and some lady walked off with my cart.  No problem....this kind of thing happens all of the time, right?  Well, I said, "Excuse me, I think you have my cart", and psycho shopper lady says (quite straight faced), "No, this is mine".
Now, the darned cart was halfway filled with groceries that I had already picked out.  It contained my reuseable bags.  It had MY handwritten list.  MY LIST.  MY handwriting.  I tried again, and said I was pretty sure that it was mine.  Nope, she looked at me like I was crazy, and walked away.  AND SHE CONTINUED SHOPPING USING MY LIST.  What?!?!?!
I didn't want to further confront this obviously crazy person, so I got another cart and started to re-shop.  Without a list.  OMG.  What a disaster.

But, I made it home in time to unpack the groceries and go to get my haircut.  Cool.  I was anticipating that this would be the best part of my day.  NOPE.
My stylist totally skipped the 10 minute chair massage that they are supposed to start with.  Bummer.  She totally acts like she doesn't recognize me.  She barely makes any conversation.  OK.  Fine, we all have off days.  Then, she cuts a chunk of hair on the front/side of my face that makes it look bad.  I asked her to fix it, and SHE MADE IT SHORTER.  Oh my. This made it look worse.  Now its totally weird looking, and I'm not happy.
She says, "Oh, I see what part you don't like, and I totally agree...but that's just how your hair lays".
WHAT?  SERIOUSLY?

I think I'm on the planet Weirdo today.  I'm hoping a good night's sleep will help me to start tomorrow with a fresh perspective and keep the weirdos away from me.
Or maybe its me?  Yikes.

AJ

VOTE!

I love to vote.  The first thing I did when the day I turned 18 was to register to vote.  This didn't help me to win any popularity contests, but it was really important to me.

I like the idea that we elect public officials to REPRESENT us.  Seems like lately, politicians have lost sight of this, and I'm not sure why.  They are supposed to work for us.  I think the only real time they try to act like they remember this is during election time.  

Voting Day certainly does shake things up and open a few eyes, and this year it should be a doozy.  Mid-term elections haven't been this exciting in a while....and I know I'm going to be up late eagerly awaiting the results.  I even bought popcorn.  Yes, I'm that much of a dork.  And I love it!

So, quit your complaining, and go DO something.  Let your voice be heard.
VOTE.

Potty Training Regression

The title of this post is my latest Google search.  UGH. 

Why is this process proving to be so difficult?  Here are my theories:
1- I have an extremely stubborn child.
2- My child has an extremely stubborn mother.
3- My child's goal in life is clearly NOT to "make me happy".

By my calculations, he was what I would call "potty trained" about 3 months ago.  However, for the past few weeks, he has decided to poops in his pants (the peeing is still in the toilet).  The last straw was this weekend when he pooped NEXT TO the toilet.  Really.  This kid gets it.  He is being willful and defiant.  Awesome.  Future leader, right?  ;)
Anyway, starting today, he's back in the diapers.  It was his choice.  I told him last night that if he continued to poop in his pants, he would have to wear diapers.  This morning when getting dressed, he requested a diaper, so that is what he is wearing today.  Not my favorite solution, but I'm out of ideas.

I don't really know the "rules" of this parenting thing, but this whole situation has gotten me very frustrated.  I know that I'm not supposed to show him that I'm frustrated, but that just seems silly.....because I AM.  I'm trying to be sensitive to his needs, while at the same time acting like cleaning up poop doesn't bother me....but it does.  It wouldn't bother me if I thought he was actually having accidents, but he's doing this on purpose.  My husband says he is probably just going through some developmental changes, and needs us to back off and give him some space on this. Why does he always seem so level headed about these things?

Then my mind wanders to bigger picture items...like:  If a 2 year old is able to frustrate me this much over pooping, what does my future as a mother of a teenager hold?   Can I do this?  Which battles do we really need to stick to our guns on?   Why do the "hard times" seem so easy in retrospect? 

Then my mind really sticks it to me, and points out crazy parenting makes me:  I spend half of the time holding on tight, hugging, kissing, and snuggling the time away.  Not wanting him to ever grow out of this stage.  Savoring every minute.  The other half of the time, I'm yearning for this phase to pass, and looking forward to an easier stretch of time.  A time where I can regain some independence from him and regain some of my "old" life. (Although, I'm pretty sure that (realistically speaking) that old life is gone...probably for good.)

I guess the point of all of this is that the problems (whatever they are....pooping, eating, sleeping, tantrums....) come and go in waves.  I have try to take these waves as they come and take them for what they are:  temporary deviations from the norm.  Then I have to realize that the norm is constantly re-adjusting.  I guess it is our job as parents to help our kids through these times, and it is our job as spouses to help one another along.  Easier said than done, but something to try to remember.

AJ



On an unrelated note:  I think I feel like a bit of a curmudgeon lately.  I was totally NOT into Halloween, and am (secretly) glad its over.  Maybe I just don't like that holiday.  It creeps me out, and I don't think its fun.  Cy didn't seem to notice that he only went to two houses for trick or treating.

Its been awhile

I have not dropped off the face of the earth.  I haven't been blogging...I've been living.  Living well, I might add!

The Summer was busy, and fun!  I soaked it in and enjoyed every minute of it.  I will  try to remember those days when we are covered in snow.

My son finally found his "groove", so to speak.  All of the aggressive behaviors (biting, hitting, etc) that we endured for 6 months seemed to go away when he turned two.  Odd?  Not sure on this one, but I will take it.  Once he turned two, he seemed to mellow.  Whew.  Big sigh of relief. (OK, he's still a two year old....and definitely has his moments) I really love this age.  He is a handful, but so much fun.

We spent the summer together riding bikes, swimming, running, jumping, and throwing balls into trees (he thinks its really funny when they get stuck).  Can someone tell me when he turned into a little boy?  Its amazing how fast time flies.

Now that the Fall has crept in, we are slowing down.  Its nice.  I love this time of year.  The crispness in the air makes me smile.  I love an excuse to throw on a sweater!  Cozy. 
Cy has turned his attentions to trains.  He loves toot them along the tracks and move the "freight cars".  I am hoping this hobby keeps his attention long enough to help us make it through the long days of "inside weather" that the winter will bring.  (I'm dreading winter, again, as usual!).

So, maybe I will try to get back to regular writing again. Thanks for reading.
(Thanks for the reminder, Paula!)

Be well.
AJ

Living in the moment

I've been reading a lot of blogs...inspirational blogs of people that have overcome turmoil (or worse) in their lives, blogs of people that have a LOT of stuff going on.  This makes me realize that I'm kinda boring.  I think I like it that way.  In the grand scheme of life, there hasn't been too much going on here this past week, and that's fine by me.

Matt has been away at a conference, so it's just been me and little buddy since early Saturday morning.  I really dread when Matt is away because I know I'm not cut out to be a single mom.  I get stressed out at the prospect of no breaks during the day.  Sometimes I really just need that "me" time, you know?  Anyway, I scheduled lots of things to keep us  busy during the weekend, and it turned out great.  We had a fabulous time together....no huge issues, no lost tempers, no tantrums!  (Did I switch kids?  no!).  We laughed and played together and HAD FUN.  It was really amazing. 

I've had ONE big issue the entire time, though.  He won't go to bed for me.  I can't get that little bugger to go to bed at night.  Matt took over "putting to bed" duties right after the accident, and I haven't done it since then.  Apparently I suck.  Cause he won't go to sleep, and screams when I leave the room.  And I'm weak, and can't stand to let him cry, so I let him stay up with me, and then sleep in the bed with me.  This has ultimately been frustrating for me, but kind of fun at the same time.  I'm not going to win a parent of the year award on this one, but for the past few nights, its also been fun to let him stay up later and cuddle with me.  He looks up with his tired eyes, smiles wide, and says, "Hi, mama".  How could I not love that?  When I put him into bed with me, its nice to be able to wake up and see him there with that sweet face.  I'm not sleeping soundly or well, but its temporary, and somehow its okay.

Anyway, last night was my last night of sleeping with him, and instead of being frustrated by my lack of skillz, I just rolled with it and enjoyed our time together.  When he fell asleep, I just smelled him (I smell him alot, and can't help it!!) and felt the weight of him against me.  When I laid him down, I just stared into that round face of his and let myself be mesmerized for a bit.  I thought about the fact that we "made" him.  I find this entirely incomprehensible.  Man, I love that kid.

The lesson I'm trying to take away from these days is that I need to be a little more relaxed at times (who doesn't).  I get very caught up in trying to "keep to the schedule" and doing things the same way all the time.  I have NOT changed my opinion that structure is very important for children, but am starting to appreciate that changing things around sometimes is fun and not detrimental to "the rules". 

I'm going to miss our "mommy and cy" time tonight, but I'm really looking forward to having daddy back!  (And he WILL be successful and getting him to sleep, and I WILL get a good night's sleep!).  YIPPEE!

I 

how can you NOT just want to give him lots of kisses!?

It doesn't take much

I guess it doesn't take much to get me going these days....I was buying a few things for my son today at Old Navy (Size 3T!!!) and the cashier asked me why I had a cast on.  I told her I was hit by a car, and she said "Oh my, I know someone who just got hit by a car and they DIED!".  Um, thanks.  Yikes.  Do I need to think about this ALL of the time?!?!  So when I got in my car, I broke down and cried and thought about what I would have done if my son would have died.  I don't want to die, but I surely don't want him to die.  I really need to figure out how I'm going to deal with this as he gets older.  I think that time heals things to a certain degree, but I feel like this might stick with me for a while.  How am I going to let him have the freedom to "be a kid" without having panic attacks about his safety?  How do parents deal with this stuff? 

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately that are written by mothers that have lost a child.  Is this helping me?  Not really.  I feel oddly drawn in to their stories, and very moved by their experience.  It hasn't helped me to deal with my situation,  but I think it adds to the stress of knowing you can't always keep your children safe.  Why am I doing this to myself.  Hmm.

On a happier note, we are taking our son to New York this weekend.  Its the furthest he's ever been from home.  Is that pathetic or what?  Either way, it is what it is.  He's not very good in the car (actually, he's not very good much at all lately!), and so we've been kind of wimpy about long car trips.  We are wimping out with this trip as well, and leaving tonight at 7 so that he will sleep for most of the drive.  Baby steps. 
We are taking him to visit his aunt and uncle and to go to the Bronx Zoo!  Its supposed to be gorgeous weather, so hopefully his mood will co-incide.  Not likely, but I can be hopeful!

AJ

There have been better days

I can't seem to crawl out of this FUNK.  Somedays are better than others, and today is a rough one.  The best way to describe how I'm feeling is "Frazzled".  I wish I could just pull it together.  I have been up since 5:11am this morning, and that is not helping AT ALL. 

There is no one thing that is getting to me, it really is just a compilation of these:

1-  My son has been going through a rough stage of hitting and biting, and its really starting to get to me.  I feel like I should be able to control him, and I can't.  Punishment works sometimes, but not always.  There are times when he lashes out for seemingly no reason, no frustration, no anger.  I just don't get it.  I feel helpless with this sometimes.  Its embarrassing and annoying all at the same time. I had to skip out on playgroup this weekend cause I just couldn't deal with having to "deal" with him.  That makes me feel even more pathetic.

2-  I feel like this wrist situation is never going to have resolution.  One day I need surgery, the next day, I might not, who knows when this will be over.  I'm tired of being casted, I'm ready to move on from this, but I can't.  I wish there were an endpoint in sight, and at this time, there is not.

3- I'm starting to really feel the "having a second child" crunch.  Its becoming an issue because my husband is very interested (90% so, according to him), and I'm very UNinterested (95% so, using the same scale).  So, we have a lot of negotiations coming our way, and its messing with my head.  I don't know how to make the "right" decision for us when we are at polar ends.  We have never been on such opposites sides of a topic before, and it feels stressful.  I have no idea how to resolve this, and its on my mind.  Alot.

All of this stuff just goes around and around in my head, and I start to feel "frazzled".  I'm fine,though.  No worries here....I think its all just normal life stuff.  Can't be all roses, right?

AJ

Its been a long week

I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself not to be so self absorbed lately...there ARE other people around me living their lives as well.  Its not working very well.  I feel like I'm getting very caught up in my own days and dealings, and having a rather self-focused view of the world.  

The week started off on Sunday with the delivery of my new washer (to replace the one that was flooded by the rain).  Nothing like starting the week with a couple of loads of laundry, right?  ;)

Then I had the impending appointment with the surgeon for my wrist, which put me on edge for Monday and Tuesday.  Not to mention that my kid seemed to be extra cranky every night this week.  Why don't they save it for when their parents can be a little more tolerant?  There were at least 3 occasions that I yelled out to my husband "this is why you are only getting one of these!".  He might be getting the picture that I'm not kidding about this.

When I met with the surgeon, he determined that I would, indeed, need surgery on my wrist to fix it.  However, the x-ray's aren't giving him enough detail, so I need a CT scan to determine WHICH surgery I will get.  It will either be a screw put into the bone pieces or a bone graft, depending on what he sees in the scan. I saw him in Wednesday, and he indicated that the scan should be done in 1 to 2 days.  Swell.  I work from home on Fridays, so it is easier for me to do miscellaneous things on that day anyway.  It is lunchtime on Friday, and no scan has been scheduled yet.  Now I have never worked in a medical office before, but I don't understand why it is taking SO long to schedule this damn scan.  I am also not a very patient person, so that doesn't help.  Apparently, the doctor needs to write an "office note" (whatever THAT is), fax it over to the car insurance, get some kind of approval notice, then schedule the exam.  (As an aside:  Is Obama's plan going to streamline this process?  ....but I won't open that can of worms here).  Anyway....it seems like I will have to make the trip to this place twice next week, which is not very convenient for me, but the doctor's office staff doesn't seem to care about convenience.  UGH.  The other annoying fact is that the car insurance is finished paying for medical care since their maximum has been met....so I don't understand why they have to sign off on the procedure.  

The worst part of that doctor's visit was that he took off my cast.  Sounds like a positive, doesn't it?  I thought so at the time as well.  I was really excited when he asked me if I wanted to take it off. He said that since my wrist isn't healing, I couldn't do much more to damage it, and since I was having surgery anyway, that I could wear a soft splint until that time. GREAT!  Not so much.  Now I'm in constant pain that I didn't have before.  I bump it, my kid bumps it, and it is quite useless.  The cast gave it stability so that I could use the hand.  The wrist is more vulnerable now and I'm finding the soft splint is hindering activities more than the cast did because of the pain.  I just can't win lately.

On top of it all....crankiness, pain, and stress ....it is going to be rainy ALL weekend.  This ensures that my kid will be a not-so-happy camper.  Now, do I schedule "fun" things for him to do (like the children's museum or an indoor playspace) or do I suck it up and prepare for a really long couple of days?  Hmmmm.  Either one of them is kinda miserable for me, cause I know all of those "indoor" places for kids will be wall to wall packed and full of swine flu, strep, and other various microorganisms.  Sounds appealing, doesn't it?

Oh, and did I mention that we are turning the crib into the toddler bed tonight?  Last weekend, my son had one leg over the top of the crib, which indicates that he might be able to either get out soon or hurt himself very badly soon.  So, I bought a gate to put at his bedroom doorway, and we let him try out the toddler bed.  I have a feeling this isn't going to go so well if he is able to roam around his room on his own, but you never know.

Guess I'm sounding like a real joy to be around, huh?  I actually am not too much fun right now.  I'm trying.  Well, maybe I'm not.  I'm not sure.  I'm lucky that I have a really awesome husband that has a large capacity for putting up with my crap. 

AJ

Manic Monday

I am starting to feel manic in the highs and lows that are coming my way.  It is almost starting to feel joke-like at this point.

Firstly, I had a superb birthday....my mom came to visit from PA, and she is such a wonderful mom and grandmom.  She loves my son and my son LOVES her.  It is endearing to watch them play together.  Its a glimpse of genes passed along, but also an inkling of how it might have been when I was that age. 

I got to have a "date" with my husband while my mom watched my son.  That was great.  We hadn't had a date since October, and were long overdue.  I love being a parent, but sometimes I really miss that alone time with my husband.  He really is an amazing guy, and I'm so lucky to have him.

So all of the other stuff is pretty much the opposite of good.

We had massive flooding due to all of the rain in March.  The basement had 9 inches of water at its highest.  Its "dry" now, but the humidity down there is still quite high.  Hopefully the two de-humidifiers will do the trick.  Removing all of that water was quite a task.  There was a lot of ruined things....and the hot water heater and washer are both questionable right now. 

 I had a doctor's appointment to x-ray my wrist, and the scaphoid fracture is non-union (not healing).  In fact, the bone is starting to die.  So, I'm still in a cast, and awaiting an appointment with a hand surgeon who will probably have to do a bone graft.
(As a completely absurd side note:  I got a flat tire on the way to the doctor's appointment today)

I swear, its really a bad year.  The bad luck just keeps pouring in.  I am trying to stay positive and think about all of the wonderful things in my life.  There are lots of them, and I am lucky.  Maybe I should have my chakra's re-aligned just for good measure?  Anyone out there have a good luck (or how about just average luck) potion?

AJ

2010, I give in. You Win.

Disclaimer: I'm going to whine for this post.  If you're not interested, just close now please.

OK: 2010 has it in for me.  I'm giving up.  I'd like to skip past it and join 2011 if that's okay.  You win, 2010.  Mercy.

I'm not usually so whiny, but I'm getting a little fed up with the bad luck that has headed our way this year.

January: my son had pneumonia with double ear infections.  Yuck.  Not so intolerable, but not fun.

February: my son and I were hit by a van while crossing the street.  Pretty traumatic and sucky all around.

March: our basement is currently sitting in 6 inches of water.  Our furnace, hot water heater, washer and dryer are all sitting in said 6 inches.  I'm hoping this gets resolved (or at least pumped out) today. 

Ok, April, whaddaya got for me?  Seriously, I have a pretty nice life, and am happy.  I don't really have much to complain about compared to many people out there.  A few bad things here and there are expected in life, right?  I should just suck it up and deal.  I know.  Maybe after a good nights sleep and some dry clothes I'll see this whole thing in a new light. 

AJ

Enough already

I'm having one of "those" days.  I should have known that right from the start, it was going to be miserable.  When the alarm went off, I innocently thought "now why is my alarm going off on a Sunday?"  Um, yeah.  Its Monday. 

So, its raining, and will be doing THAT all week (at least until Thursday).  Little buddy kicked both shoes off on the way to daycare, so as I put them back on, my bum hung out the door and got rained on.  Yuck.

In the afternoon, I got a call from the lovely insurance case worker (aren't they all so lovely) asking me how my wrist was feeling.  LIKE YOU CARE!!  He wanted to know if it was feeling better and if I thought the cast would come off at my appointment next week.  Um....I  DON'T know!  I do know that my wrist still hurts and that I have to take Advil everyday.  I'll be sure to update you after the X-RAY.  That's how we know when bones are broken.  Then he happened to mention that the car rental was only approved through to my appointment next week.  Thanks.  I don't intend to run off with your car.  I actually prefer my OWN car, I just can't drive it at the moment.

Then the lady from Enterprise calls.  Wants to know if my rental is okay, and to remind me that it is approved through insurance until next Monday.  Yep, got it.  She says she notices that my car was a "total loss" and asked if she could put me in touch with their sales department to help me buy a new one.  I said there must be some mistake, since I wasn't IN my car during the time of the accident.  She responds, "Oh, what is the name of the shop that its in?".  I growled, "I WASN'T IN MY CAR DURING THE ACCIDENT!".  GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  What is with people?  Why call me if you aren't going to listen to the words that I am saying?  Ugh.

So, I hope it gets better today.  I'm not sure why I'm so aggravated today, but maybe a very big hug from my very little buddy will help.  If not, there's always the "beer with dinner" route.

AJ

Blue's Clues

What is it with this show?  My little guy LOVES it.  He has really liked it for a while now, but he is SERIOUSLY into it now.

He walks around carrying his "notebook", where he must have a crayon to insert into the spiral.  He loves the mailbox, and bounces around letters while trying to sing that silly song about the mail.  He has even started trying to "ska-doo".  Its hilarious!  He hasn't had any "comfort items" up until this point, but now he even sleeps with his notebook.  So cute.

I'm feeding into the frenzy, and have stocked up on his "favorite" notebook.  When I run out of them...I don't know what I'll do.  Maybe he'll be out of this phase by then....or maybe I'll just be the worst mom ever. 

My boy has a preference for the character Joe, and I can't figure out why. Steve is clearly the cooler of the two.  Besides, Joe's real name is Donovon, which makes him a fraud in my book.  Kids can say Donovan, or Don!  Steve's real name is Steve, and that seems more real to me.

He likes the epidsode called "Big Band" and watches it every morning.  (Okay, you're not supposed to let your kid watch TV before the age of 2 ....but he's really close....and for crying out loud, 20 minutes of quiet is necessary for a mother's sanity!)  He laughs and claps at the exact same spot every time.

My conclusion is that it seems like whatever it is that our children are drawn to, or have the latest obsession about, becomes an obsession for the parent as well.  Why should I care if Joe's real name is Don? Why should I know the Mail song?  Why should I know how to Ska-doo?!?!?!  (I DO care if he loses his notebook, since it culminates in a lot of screaming).  As important as our kids are to us, the things that are important to them are important to us, too.  Maybe this changes over time, and somebody beat me with a stick if I turn into one of those wacko yelling parents at sports events, but for now, I like that we can bond over this silly little show. 

AJ

3 more weeks

Well, the wrist was x-ray'd yesterday, and my bone is still broken.  A new cast was put on (thank goodness, cause that old one was getting Stinky!), and I wait for 3 more weeks....then get another x-ray and go from there.

The scariest part of the experience is realizing that I cannot move my wrist.  When the cast was off, I had a bit of time to "play" with it, and I couldn't get it to move.  Yikes.  This re-hab is going to take a long time after the cast is finally off for good.  (The doctor said it takes at least 8 weeks to regain full range of motion!)  Immobilization has atrophied my muscles and frozen my ligaments.  Ew.

I have never had to live with or deal with a disability, but this experience certainly helps me understand what people have to go through who don't have full functionality of their "parts".  On top of being scary, it is really frustrating.  I'm not a person that likes to ask for help, and this is teaching me that I have to....I can't imagine a lifetime of reliance on others.

So, it looks like I will turn 36 with a cast on my arm.  It kind of makes me feel juvenile...in an "adult with braces" kinda way.  I suppose that as long as I can run after that little rugrat of mine, I'll remain young at heart!

Here's to Calcium supplements and healing bones!

I Heart Hands

This week's photo challenge over at I Heart Faces is I Heart Hands.  This hand is my most favorite.  It is attached to my son, who has his thumb in his mouth a lot.  I was trying to take a nice picture of his face, but he would not remove the thumb, so I took this shot instead.

To see more beautiful shots of hands, head over to I Heart Faces

...and she SHOWERS!

Today was a great day.  The new cast is lined with Gortex, and can get wet.  This means no more sponge baths, and hello shower!  I stood under that shower this morning until I was wrinkly all over.  It felt great.  I lathered and washed for almost an hour.  Wow.

Now that I'm clean, I'm already starting to think about next week and my return to work.  I think that I'm ready, and that it will be good for me to get back into my routine.  My first hurdle is clothing.  Hmmm.  We are very casual at my work, but all that I've worn for the past two weeks are sweatpants because I can't do the buttons on my jeans (why are 90% of my jeans button-fly!?!?!).  Sweatpants won't quite cut it for me, so I was brainstorming with a friend yesterday who said I should wear my maternity pants.  This idea did NOT appeal to me very much until my inner realist sunk in and made me see that it was a decent option.  So, I've pulled them out, and tried them on, and they will work.  A little roomy, but they pleasantly pull-up with no buttons.  A cast wearers dream.  So, I will be wearing them until either I learn to button with my cast or the cast comes off.  I can't wait to see the kind of rumors this will start!  ;)

I was up really early this morning (3:33am to be exact).  I couldn't fall back asleep, and I honestly think it was partly because I couldn't wait to shower.  Like a little kid before the first day of school (um...a little kid that LIKES school).  The other stuff on my mind is healing time.  The orthopedic said it was a full (non-displaced) break in my wrist bone, and so it might take a while to heal.  It might not heal properly.  I might get arthritis in my wrist.  And I could go on and on....but I won't.  I still have a lot of pain in my side, and he said that the cartilage that connects some of the ribs could have a fracture.  There is no course of action but to wait.  And I will.  The point is, I want to wrap this up and sneak in a nap before my two favorite guys get home.  So I will!

AJ

The Police Report is Done

I just spoke with the officer who was handling our case.  Apparently, there is video of our accident because it happened almost in front of the police station.  What a chilling piece of news this is.  Morbid curiosity makes me want to see it, but common sense tells me this is not something that I want to see.  The officer said after they saw the tape, they were surprised that we didn't have much more serious injuries.  The van knocked us 10 feet out of the crosswalk.  Yikes. No wonder my side hurts so much. 

The driver was waiting at the light, and when it turned green for them, they accelerated quickly into their turn.  The sun was glaring into their eyes, and that is why they didn't see me and my child in the crosswalk.  It makes it easier for me to know that the accident was just that ...an accident.  It wasn't some crazy distracted person on a cell phone or texting on their latest device.  The officer also said that the driver was visibly shaken and upset.  For some reason, this comforts me as well.  To know that the person who did this is remorseful and affected by the incident indicates to me that they are a rational and a caring being. 

I suppose that in the end, none of this makes any sense.  I really just want to start putting this whole thing behind me.  My knee is healing well (I think)...its feeling much better and I'm having a greater range of motion.  My side is still very sore, and hasn't shown any bruising yet.  I can't figure this one out...but the CTscan and xrays didn't show any breaks, so it must be a boat load of soft tissue bruising.  The cast, well, that is very annoying.  I guess I just have to work around it the best that I can.  Tomorrow I will get a new cast that can get wet, and I am psyched.  I might take an hour long shower when I get home!

Things are okay.  When I realize how bad things could have been, I feel so lucky.  It doesn't stop me from being really pissed off that I can't pick up my son, or that I am in pain when I cuddle with him.  But, I'll get there.  My husband and I took our little buddy to get some chocolate (for us, not him) on Valentines day, and we crossed the street.  And I didn't freak out.  My husband was carrying our son, so it was a different scenario, but I think it is progress.  It felt scary, but not overwhelming.  Whew.  I think we will make it through this just fine.

AJ

One Week down

Its been one week today since our accident.   I've spent the past week at home, resting and reflecting on what happened to us.  The top thing I come away with is how much I love and adore my husband and son.  The next thing that is so touching are the outpourings of support that have come from those around us.  It has been truly touching to experience how many people care for us.  I feel humbled and blessed to be so lucky.

Things haven't quite returned to normal yet.  I am still very sore...I've actually gotten more swollen in my ribs.  My knee is feeling "looser" and getting around is getting easier each day.  Learning how to use my left hand for everything is odd, but manageable (even if it is frustrating!).  Getting showered is the roughest task since the cast can't get wet.  I should get a cast next week that can get wet, so that should help.  My poor husband still has the brunt of the household chores.  There are things I just can't do, and he's doing great.  I think its hard on him, but he doesn't complain.  With all of the extra "McChubb" duty (taking care of our son), he did make a comment that having only one child might be a good idea (score one for me!).

I was putting away some laundry last night, and I think I have to get rid of the clothes we were wearing that day.  This seems silly, and I can't really explain it, but I don't want them in the house.  They've been washed, and are in the drawers, but I know we will never wear them again.  I don't typically use avoidance as a coping mechanism, but I don't need the visual reminder, and I'm giving myself a break on this one.  There are going to be much bigger things to tackle emotionally down the road than a set of clothes.  I'll get there in time.

We are together and we are happy.  Life is never going to be the same.  It never is, though. 

AJ

Sleep eludes me

I'm beginning to become angry with this accident.  I am sad and I am frustrated, and I want MY LIFE BACK!

My husband says I'm impatient, and he's right.  He reminds me that I was hit by a car, and he is right.  He tells me he doesn't mind doing everything because he's so happy that we are still with him, and I cry.  Its not fair to him, to us.

I can't pick up and hold my little boy.  I am missing all of the time that he and I have alone.  I can't be alone with my son because I can't take care of him.  This is worst feeling in the world as a mom.  He stands below my with his arms outreached saying "UP" and I have to tell him that mommy can't pick up up because she has boo-boos.  When I do get him in my lap, I squeeze him so hard that my ribs ache with pain for a while afterward.  I have to sit and listen joyful squeals of play-time that includes running, hiding, jumping, and "tag-you're-it!"....all of which I can't do with him right now.  This has been taken away from me, and it just sucks.

I can't sleep.  I have the kind of insomnia you get when you are pregnant.  I am uncomfortable in most positions, and I lay awake for hours at a time with busy mind.  I need to quiet this mind.  I need to convince myself that I WILL be able to be a "normal" mom to my son, and take him places, and yes, cross the street.  How am I going to do this?

I Heart Kisses

The theme over at I Heart Faces this week is I Heart Kisses.  I snapped this photo of my son and his cousin right before Christmas.  He is quite liberal with his kisses lately, and I love the expression on her face.  I would have liked a little different angle, but those kids move SO fast!!

To see more pictures of some wonderful kissing, please head over to I Heart Faces

Life is Scary

Last Friday (Feb 5th) was the scariest day of my life.  I was crossing the street, carrying my 20 month old son, and we were struck by a van.  I still can't believe that this happened to us.  There must have been angels looking after my sweet boy, because he wast thrown out of my arms onto the ground, and has no injuries.  His face is scratched in several places, but all of his parts (internal and external) are fine.  I am very bruised, I have several very sore places, and a broken wrist.  All of those injuries should heal just fine, and I am so comforted by knowing that my little one is okay.

I've never gone through a traumatic experience like this one.  My head keeps replaying the scene (from what I can remember), and it really shakes me up to think of "what could have been".  Facing the reality that random "bad" things happen in everyday life is tough, especially when you think you have control over keeping your family safe.

I have been truly touched by the outpouring of support that I've had in the past few days.  Its so uplifting to know that so many people care about us.  My husband is my rock, and has been so amazing.  I really couldn't make it through without him.

Its going to be a long road to recovery, but things are heading in the right direction.  Today will be full of phone calls to police and insurance, and  I'm sure that will be exhausting, but it is the next step in moving forward.

Please remember to fully appreciate all that you love.  I have been reminded of how easily you can lose someone close to you.  It has given me a new perspective on living each day to its fullest.  Hug and squeeze your little ones, they are so precious.

In health,
AJ

Terrrrrible Twos?

I had three straight days of dealing with a really frustrated 19 month old this past weekend.  I don't know if his behavior qualifies for the "terrible twos" yet, but I can't imagine it can get much worse.  Let me rephrase:  I REALLY HOPE it doesn't get much worse than this.  Wow.  I've never looked forward to going to work as much as I did on Tuesday.  To make things worse, he followed those awful days with some really great days at daycare.  This always makes me question why he saves the "bad" days for home?  I know he's not "out to get me", but he can really push my buttons!!

All of my friends with older kids assure me that this is a phase that will pass.  I know that its true but I'm having trouble with the whole "light at the end of the tunnel" thing (and I've also heard that 3 is harder than 2 for some kids!).  In any case, I wasn't prepared for this.  I  actually started reading books about the Terrible Twos when he was 14 months old so that I would know what to expect, and how to deal with it.  (insert laugh track here) Lets call this a rookie mom move.  I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that most things with toddlers can't be pre-meditated.  I'm trying to be more fluid and realize that just dealing with things as they come up is probably more practical. 

However, being practical is not so easy since toddlers aren't very rational.  (Is this an understatement or what?).  Learning to pick your battles seems to be key in this obstacle.  I don't understand how these little creatures learn to be so opinionated so early in life, but they certainly have a point of view, and want to be heard!!!  I'm learning that I need to set aside personal agendas (when appropriate) and help my little one through this rough time in the best way I can.  When I keep in mind that most times are of these "rough" days are just as difficult for him as they are for me, its easier to be compassionate and patient.   

Someone said to me that the key is to know that the bad days will pass and to really enjoy the good days.  I think this is sound advice for now. 

Here's to a great day!
AJ