I guess it doesn't take much to get me going these days....I was buying a few things for my son today at Old Navy (Size 3T!!!) and the cashier asked me why I had a cast on. I told her I was hit by a car, and she said "Oh my, I know someone who just got hit by a car and they DIED!". Um, thanks. Yikes. Do I need to think about this ALL of the time?!?! So when I got in my car, I broke down and cried and thought about what I would have done if my son would have died. I don't want to die, but I surely don't want him to die. I really need to figure out how I'm going to deal with this as he gets older. I think that time heals things to a certain degree, but I feel like this might stick with me for a while. How am I going to let him have the freedom to "be a kid" without having panic attacks about his safety? How do parents deal with this stuff?
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately that are written by mothers that have lost a child. Is this helping me? Not really. I feel oddly drawn in to their stories, and very moved by their experience. It hasn't helped me to deal with my situation, but I think it adds to the stress of knowing you can't always keep your children safe. Why am I doing this to myself. Hmm.
On a happier note, we are taking our son to New York this weekend. Its the furthest he's ever been from home. Is that pathetic or what? Either way, it is what it is. He's not very good in the car (actually, he's not very good much at all lately!), and so we've been kind of wimpy about long car trips. We are wimping out with this trip as well, and leaving tonight at 7 so that he will sleep for most of the drive. Baby steps.
We are taking him to visit his aunt and uncle and to go to the Bronx Zoo! Its supposed to be gorgeous weather, so hopefully his mood will co-incide. Not likely, but I can be hopeful!