Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Kindergartner!!

Today starts your academic career!!!  I'm so proud to be your mom.  You are an energetic and full of life boy.  You have been a spitfire since the day you were born, and I love every inch of you.

I'm feeling a little more emotional today than I thought I would.  I am remembering the day that we brought you home from the hospital, and how scared I was at the responsibility of parenting you.  It makes me laugh a little today to think about you swaddled into a perfect little bundle, looking so sweet, and how I felt so scared.  Now I know that the scariest parts come much later.  I've relaxed into my role of being your mom, and enjoy my time with you.  You are witty, curious, and ebullient!  (I just like that word...but you ARE!)

Enjoy your time in school.  Soak it all in and make the best of your time.  I hope you continue to have a love for learning and that you will fondly look back on this time.  I told you this morning "Cyrus, the world is your oyster".  You asked what an oyster was....totally ruined the sentiment (but made me laugh).  I love you.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


There is something new going on.  It is wonderful and making life feel amazing. 
I probably won't go into describing it any more than that.....but I just had to share how just damned great life is right now.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

A Simpler Life?

Sometimes I feel myself longing for a "simpler" life.  By this, I literally mean: sell house, quit jobs, move far away and live in a tiny little fishing village on the ocean.

Something about removing the stressors in life and just "living" is the appeal.  I have an image in my head of lazy mornings, perfectly behaved children, daily trips to the market for fresh groceries to prepare for the day, afternoons playing at the beach, evenings around a campfire.  

Notice I didn't mention any cleaning, random errands, clothes washing, going to work, children that don't listen?

I think this dreaming all comes from the desire to be a better mom to my kids.  I feel like when the "other" stuff is gone, I have more mental dedication to be present in the moment.  To enjoy time with my kids, and to ENJOY my kids.  Instead of playing with my son for "just 5 more minutes" so that I can move the next load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, I'd like to have more time.  I hate to feel like I'm moving from one task to the next.  There are tastes of this feeling on the weekends, but there is always SOMETHING else to do.  I am in constant motion.  Is this self inflicted?  Mostly.

After thinking about it for a bit, here are the two (completely conflicting) thoughts I have on actually having a "simpler life":
1- I would have limitless time to spend with and nuture my children.  They would become my everything, then they would grow up and want to "explore the world" that I had sheltered them from, and I will end up devestated to be without them.
2- I would hate not having "something of my own" that would be separate from the children (and family life in general), and would resent the entire experience.

Hm.  Maybe what I really need is just a vacation.  Maybe I overthink things a bit?  Maybe i just need to find a bit more balance.  Maybe I should just be happy with what I have.  More "Carpe Diem" and less "what if?" 
Who knows.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Catching up...the cliff note version

So, it seems like I spend more time here when I'm tired, miserable, grumpy....or HAPPY!
Not much of the in-between.  Guess "normal" isn't always terribly exciting.  Usually things slow down over the summer, and there is so much more time to think, contemplate, write...but not so much this year.  I'll recap with some quick things, and try to do better about spending some more time here ;)

The kids are growing like weeds.  I love them to bunches and am really enjoying time with them.  The more time I enjoy, the less time I document...then the more inadequate I feel.  Insert viscious cycle.  Bleck.  I'm really trying to find the balance between "this is fun!" and "this is fun, take a picture, post to Facebook!".

Cy turned 5 (!?!?!) and Matt turned 40.  We had an awesome party at the house (complete with a very huge pig roast) and it was wildly successful.  One of the best parties.  If I was getting married again, I would totally have a pig roast for it.  SO MUCH FUN.  There was a bouncy house and tons of kids running around (getting dirty, drinking juice boxes, and plunging faces into cupcakes).  When everything calmed down at night, we got a fire going in the pit, opened up whatever wine and beer was left, and just enjoyed ourselves. The next morning was sponsored by ADVIL.  Yikes.  But, so worth it.

(yes, you will, my boy)

Lulu is continuing to grow into mini Me. She is such a mama's girl, and loves to help.  Raising a girl is infinitely different that it was with the boy.  (There is plenty of good and bad with this).  She's stuck to me like glue most of the time.  Which I love (and hate sometimes, too).

Summer has been hot but awesome so far.  We've been spending a ton of time at the lake.  Lu hangs with me, but is loving jumping from the docks into the water.  Cy is a fish, and could spend all day there.  I love being there with them, and I feel like this is where the memories that I remember when I really old will come from.  I've felt that ever since I started taking Cy there.  Its just magic.

The bathroom remodel is underway.  Holy cow.  It is going to be amazing.  Living through it is actually manageable, but not ideal.  At least we have the half bath downstairs.  Traveling to the gym in the morning is less of a pain than I thought it would be.  I kind of enjoy the dedicated quiet time to myself....but not enough to continue after the bathroom is completed.

I completed a Whole30 in May (another post to follow on this...I've started a draft) (Okay...I've started like 12 drafts, but plan to actually finish that one).  It was AMAZING.  I really can't say enough great things about it.  It has completely changed my relationship with food.

Hold onto this. 
Remember how good it feels.
Learn to pull on these memories when feeling stressed.

Okay.  I have no more time to keep typing.
Look for my Whole30 wrapup soon!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

3 years

It's been three years since my son and I were hit by a car.  As pedestrians.  We are survivors.  We are strong.  I feel really emotional about this today....moreso than I thought I would.

Since that day, I strive to savor each day and to enjoy it all.  I don't always succeed.  Truthfully, I think as eye opening as an event like that is, it opens the eyes a little TOO wide.  Sometimes I am painfully aware that anything can happen to us and anytime.  Unexpectedly.  None of us are immune to that.  

I really hate the fact that there are some days that I live in fear.  Some days when Matt is 5 minutes late getting home from work, I start wondering what happened to him....fearing that ......well, the worst. I have come to know that opening up to great and deep love exposes you to the opportunity for great and deep loss.  At times like that, I try to remember to stay in the present and to soak it all in.  Enjoy life. 

So, on a day like this, when the reminder is really strong, I hug my kids extra tight, make sure to tell my husband how much I love him, and try to keep life in perspective.  

This is what it is all about: