Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Kindergartner!!

Today starts your academic career!!!  I'm so proud to be your mom.  You are an energetic and full of life boy.  You have been a spitfire since the day you were born, and I love every inch of you.

I'm feeling a little more emotional today than I thought I would.  I am remembering the day that we brought you home from the hospital, and how scared I was at the responsibility of parenting you.  It makes me laugh a little today to think about you swaddled into a perfect little bundle, looking so sweet, and how I felt so scared.  Now I know that the scariest parts come much later.  I've relaxed into my role of being your mom, and enjoy my time with you.  You are witty, curious, and ebullient!  (I just like that word...but you ARE!)

Enjoy your time in school.  Soak it all in and make the best of your time.  I hope you continue to have a love for learning and that you will fondly look back on this time.  I told you this morning "Cyrus, the world is your oyster".  You asked what an oyster was....totally ruined the sentiment (but made me laugh).  I love you.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


There is something new going on.  It is wonderful and making life feel amazing. 
I probably won't go into describing it any more than that.....but I just had to share how just damned great life is right now.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

A Simpler Life?

Sometimes I feel myself longing for a "simpler" life.  By this, I literally mean: sell house, quit jobs, move far away and live in a tiny little fishing village on the ocean.

Something about removing the stressors in life and just "living" is the appeal.  I have an image in my head of lazy mornings, perfectly behaved children, daily trips to the market for fresh groceries to prepare for the day, afternoons playing at the beach, evenings around a campfire.  

Notice I didn't mention any cleaning, random errands, clothes washing, going to work, children that don't listen?

I think this dreaming all comes from the desire to be a better mom to my kids.  I feel like when the "other" stuff is gone, I have more mental dedication to be present in the moment.  To enjoy time with my kids, and to ENJOY my kids.  Instead of playing with my son for "just 5 more minutes" so that I can move the next load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, I'd like to have more time.  I hate to feel like I'm moving from one task to the next.  There are tastes of this feeling on the weekends, but there is always SOMETHING else to do.  I am in constant motion.  Is this self inflicted?  Mostly.

After thinking about it for a bit, here are the two (completely conflicting) thoughts I have on actually having a "simpler life":
1- I would have limitless time to spend with and nuture my children.  They would become my everything, then they would grow up and want to "explore the world" that I had sheltered them from, and I will end up devestated to be without them.
2- I would hate not having "something of my own" that would be separate from the children (and family life in general), and would resent the entire experience.

Hm.  Maybe what I really need is just a vacation.  Maybe I overthink things a bit?  Maybe i just need to find a bit more balance.  Maybe I should just be happy with what I have.  More "Carpe Diem" and less "what if?" 
Who knows.