Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A rough day

I feel like I'm having a rough day today.  Seems like a trend.  I guess I don't feel as compelled to write in this space when I'm having a great day.

After a stressful vacation, and a rough few nights....I'm feeling pulled thin.  I am tired, exhausted even.  I feel like I need a break.   A day or two to clear my head and get back on track.  Being the mom often times means self-care is put to the back burner while making sure everyone else is taken care of.  

The baby has continued to be clingy (to me) even though all traces of sickness are gone.  She wakes up multiple times at night and is tough to get back down.  We've started to let her cry in hopes she will soothe herself.  I can't stand to listen to her cry, but I don't know what else to do...I'm at the end of my rope with it. She isn't eating well....meaning I have to pump more often to relieve the fullness.  She is just "off" right now. Maybe this is a phase or she is just recovering from a stressful week.  What ever the case, I'm just hoping this passes soon.

Cy is pushing limits.  Not listening, or at least not paying attention.  My patience is gone.  I feel like I am punishing him more often lately, and need to examine whether it's because his behavior has been worse or my tolerance is at an all time low.  Instinct tells me its a mixture of both.

Tomorrow is the day that my husband has his vasectomy.  I am worried for him (just cause that's me) but also happy that we will mark the end of our baby making days.  It couldn't come at a worse time, since I really am not looking forward to doing full time care of both kids this weekend (no heavy lifting for him).  I'm hoping he heals quickly and that I can enjoy this time with the kids.  I need to just come up with a game plan.  

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Vacation Woes

I can't even start to describe how bad vacation was this year.  Someone told me today that when you are travelling with young children, it should have a different name than "vacation".  Amen.

To summarize:  the baby was sick the whole time.  A temperature of 103 that persisted for the whole week.  She was clingy (attached to me the entire time) and didn't sleep.  I've never returned from a vacation so exhausted.  

Luckily, Cy had a blast and really loved spending time with his cousins at the lake.  There is my silver lining.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A letter to my girl

Dear LuLu, 

While rocking with you at bedtime tonight I stared at you and felt like I know your path. I know the heartaches and joys of being a woman. I can connect and relate to you in this way.  I know that there will be drama.  There will also be growing and learning.  I feel lucky to be a part of that.

Thinking about raising a girl is a little intimidating to me.  There are so many things that I want for you (and even more that I don't).  Be strong, independent, and stubborn.  Fight for what you want and go after it with enthusiasm.  BUT, embrace your softness.  Don't mistake emotion and vulnerability for weakness.  It's not true.  Let someone love you and love them back.  Invite people in.  Offer help easily, and remember to accept help just as easily.  

I'm struggling with some of these things myself these days, and it makes me so aware that I want so much for you.  I'm making changes to be a better role model for you.  

I love you.