Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sleep eludes me
I'm beginning to become angry with this accident. I am sad and I am frustrated, and I want MY LIFE BACK!
My husband says I'm impatient, and he's right. He reminds me that I was hit by a car, and he is right. He tells me he doesn't mind doing everything because he's so happy that we are still with him, and I cry. Its not fair to him, to us.
I can't pick up and hold my little boy. I am missing all of the time that he and I have alone. I can't be alone with my son because I can't take care of him. This is worst feeling in the world as a mom. He stands below my with his arms outreached saying "UP" and I have to tell him that mommy can't pick up up because she has boo-boos. When I do get him in my lap, I squeeze him so hard that my ribs ache with pain for a while afterward. I have to sit and listen joyful squeals of play-time that includes running, hiding, jumping, and "tag-you're-it!"....all of which I can't do with him right now. This has been taken away from me, and it just sucks.
I can't sleep. I have the kind of insomnia you get when you are pregnant. I am uncomfortable in most positions, and I lay awake for hours at a time with busy mind. I need to quiet this mind. I need to convince myself that I WILL be able to be a "normal" mom to my son, and take him places, and yes, cross the street. How am I going to do this?