Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Living in the moment

I've been reading a lot of blogs...inspirational blogs of people that have overcome turmoil (or worse) in their lives, blogs of people that have a LOT of stuff going on.  This makes me realize that I'm kinda boring.  I think I like it that way.  In the grand scheme of life, there hasn't been too much going on here this past week, and that's fine by me.

Matt has been away at a conference, so it's just been me and little buddy since early Saturday morning.  I really dread when Matt is away because I know I'm not cut out to be a single mom.  I get stressed out at the prospect of no breaks during the day.  Sometimes I really just need that "me" time, you know?  Anyway, I scheduled lots of things to keep us  busy during the weekend, and it turned out great.  We had a fabulous time huge issues, no lost tempers, no tantrums!  (Did I switch kids?  no!).  We laughed and played together and HAD FUN.  It was really amazing. 

I've had ONE big issue the entire time, though.  He won't go to bed for me.  I can't get that little bugger to go to bed at night.  Matt took over "putting to bed" duties right after the accident, and I haven't done it since then.  Apparently I suck.  Cause he won't go to sleep, and screams when I leave the room.  And I'm weak, and can't stand to let him cry, so I let him stay up with me, and then sleep in the bed with me.  This has ultimately been frustrating for me, but kind of fun at the same time.  I'm not going to win a parent of the year award on this one, but for the past few nights, its also been fun to let him stay up later and cuddle with me.  He looks up with his tired eyes, smiles wide, and says, "Hi, mama".  How could I not love that?  When I put him into bed with me, its nice to be able to wake up and see him there with that sweet face.  I'm not sleeping soundly or well, but its temporary, and somehow its okay.

Anyway, last night was my last night of sleeping with him, and instead of being frustrated by my lack of skillz, I just rolled with it and enjoyed our time together.  When he fell asleep, I just smelled him (I smell him alot, and can't help it!!) and felt the weight of him against me.  When I laid him down, I just stared into that round face of his and let myself be mesmerized for a bit.  I thought about the fact that we "made" him.  I find this entirely incomprehensible.  Man, I love that kid.

The lesson I'm trying to take away from these days is that I need to be a little more relaxed at times (who doesn't).  I get very caught up in trying to "keep to the schedule" and doing things the same way all the time.  I have NOT changed my opinion that structure is very important for children, but am starting to appreciate that changing things around sometimes is fun and not detrimental to "the rules". 

I'm going to miss our "mommy and cy" time tonight, but I'm really looking forward to having daddy back!  (And he WILL be successful and getting him to sleep, and I WILL get a good night's sleep!).  YIPPEE!

how can you NOT just want to give him lots of kisses!?