Monday, February 22, 2010

I Heart Hands

This week's photo challenge over at I Heart Faces is I Heart Hands.  This hand is my most favorite.  It is attached to my son, who has his thumb in his mouth a lot.  I was trying to take a nice picture of his face, but he would not remove the thumb, so I took this shot instead.

To see more beautiful shots of hands, head over to I Heart Faces

Thursday, February 18, 2010

...and she SHOWERS!

Today was a great day.  The new cast is lined with Gortex, and can get wet.  This means no more sponge baths, and hello shower!  I stood under that shower this morning until I was wrinkly all over.  It felt great.  I lathered and washed for almost an hour.  Wow.

Now that I'm clean, I'm already starting to think about next week and my return to work.  I think that I'm ready, and that it will be good for me to get back into my routine.  My first hurdle is clothing.  Hmmm.  We are very casual at my work, but all that I've worn for the past two weeks are sweatpants because I can't do the buttons on my jeans (why are 90% of my jeans button-fly!?!?!).  Sweatpants won't quite cut it for me, so I was brainstorming with a friend yesterday who said I should wear my maternity pants.  This idea did NOT appeal to me very much until my inner realist sunk in and made me see that it was a decent option.  So, I've pulled them out, and tried them on, and they will work.  A little roomy, but they pleasantly pull-up with no buttons.  A cast wearers dream.  So, I will be wearing them until either I learn to button with my cast or the cast comes off.  I can't wait to see the kind of rumors this will start!  ;)

I was up really early this morning (3:33am to be exact).  I couldn't fall back asleep, and I honestly think it was partly because I couldn't wait to shower.  Like a little kid before the first day of school (um...a little kid that LIKES school).  The other stuff on my mind is healing time.  The orthopedic said it was a full (non-displaced) break in my wrist bone, and so it might take a while to heal.  It might not heal properly.  I might get arthritis in my wrist.  And I could go on and on....but I won't.  I still have a lot of pain in my side, and he said that the cartilage that connects some of the ribs could have a fracture.  There is no course of action but to wait.  And I will.  The point is, I want to wrap this up and sneak in a nap before my two favorite guys get home.  So I will!


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Police Report is Done

I just spoke with the officer who was handling our case.  Apparently, there is video of our accident because it happened almost in front of the police station.  What a chilling piece of news this is.  Morbid curiosity makes me want to see it, but common sense tells me this is not something that I want to see.  The officer said after they saw the tape, they were surprised that we didn't have much more serious injuries.  The van knocked us 10 feet out of the crosswalk.  Yikes. No wonder my side hurts so much. 

The driver was waiting at the light, and when it turned green for them, they accelerated quickly into their turn.  The sun was glaring into their eyes, and that is why they didn't see me and my child in the crosswalk.  It makes it easier for me to know that the accident was just that accident.  It wasn't some crazy distracted person on a cell phone or texting on their latest device.  The officer also said that the driver was visibly shaken and upset.  For some reason, this comforts me as well.  To know that the person who did this is remorseful and affected by the incident indicates to me that they are a rational and a caring being. 

I suppose that in the end, none of this makes any sense.  I really just want to start putting this whole thing behind me.  My knee is healing well (I think)...its feeling much better and I'm having a greater range of motion.  My side is still very sore, and hasn't shown any bruising yet.  I can't figure this one out...but the CTscan and xrays didn't show any breaks, so it must be a boat load of soft tissue bruising.  The cast, well, that is very annoying.  I guess I just have to work around it the best that I can.  Tomorrow I will get a new cast that can get wet, and I am psyched.  I might take an hour long shower when I get home!

Things are okay.  When I realize how bad things could have been, I feel so lucky.  It doesn't stop me from being really pissed off that I can't pick up my son, or that I am in pain when I cuddle with him.  But, I'll get there.  My husband and I took our little buddy to get some chocolate (for us, not him) on Valentines day, and we crossed the street.  And I didn't freak out.  My husband was carrying our son, so it was a different scenario, but I think it is progress.  It felt scary, but not overwhelming.  Whew.  I think we will make it through this just fine.


Friday, February 12, 2010

One Week down

Its been one week today since our accident.   I've spent the past week at home, resting and reflecting on what happened to us.  The top thing I come away with is how much I love and adore my husband and son.  The next thing that is so touching are the outpourings of support that have come from those around us.  It has been truly touching to experience how many people care for us.  I feel humbled and blessed to be so lucky.

Things haven't quite returned to normal yet.  I am still very sore...I've actually gotten more swollen in my ribs.  My knee is feeling "looser" and getting around is getting easier each day.  Learning how to use my left hand for everything is odd, but manageable (even if it is frustrating!).  Getting showered is the roughest task since the cast can't get wet.  I should get a cast next week that can get wet, so that should help.  My poor husband still has the brunt of the household chores.  There are things I just can't do, and he's doing great.  I think its hard on him, but he doesn't complain.  With all of the extra "McChubb" duty (taking care of our son), he did make a comment that having only one child might be a good idea (score one for me!).

I was putting away some laundry last night, and I think I have to get rid of the clothes we were wearing that day.  This seems silly, and I can't really explain it, but I don't want them in the house.  They've been washed, and are in the drawers, but I know we will never wear them again.  I don't typically use avoidance as a coping mechanism, but I don't need the visual reminder, and I'm giving myself a break on this one.  There are going to be much bigger things to tackle emotionally down the road than a set of clothes.  I'll get there in time.

We are together and we are happy.  Life is never going to be the same.  It never is, though. 


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sleep eludes me

I'm beginning to become angry with this accident.  I am sad and I am frustrated, and I want MY LIFE BACK!

My husband says I'm impatient, and he's right.  He reminds me that I was hit by a car, and he is right.  He tells me he doesn't mind doing everything because he's so happy that we are still with him, and I cry.  Its not fair to him, to us.

I can't pick up and hold my little boy.  I am missing all of the time that he and I have alone.  I can't be alone with my son because I can't take care of him.  This is worst feeling in the world as a mom.  He stands below my with his arms outreached saying "UP" and I have to tell him that mommy can't pick up up because she has boo-boos.  When I do get him in my lap, I squeeze him so hard that my ribs ache with pain for a while afterward.  I have to sit and listen joyful squeals of play-time that includes running, hiding, jumping, and "tag-you're-it!"....all of which I can't do with him right now.  This has been taken away from me, and it just sucks.

I can't sleep.  I have the kind of insomnia you get when you are pregnant.  I am uncomfortable in most positions, and I lay awake for hours at a time with busy mind.  I need to quiet this mind.  I need to convince myself that I WILL be able to be a "normal" mom to my son, and take him places, and yes, cross the street.  How am I going to do this?

Monday, February 8, 2010

I Heart Kisses

The theme over at I Heart Faces this week is I Heart Kisses.  I snapped this photo of my son and his cousin right before Christmas.  He is quite liberal with his kisses lately, and I love the expression on her face.  I would have liked a little different angle, but those kids move SO fast!!

To see more pictures of some wonderful kissing, please head over to I Heart Faces

Life is Scary

Last Friday (Feb 5th) was the scariest day of my life.  I was crossing the street, carrying my 20 month old son, and we were struck by a van.  I still can't believe that this happened to us.  There must have been angels looking after my sweet boy, because he wast thrown out of my arms onto the ground, and has no injuries.  His face is scratched in several places, but all of his parts (internal and external) are fine.  I am very bruised, I have several very sore places, and a broken wrist.  All of those injuries should heal just fine, and I am so comforted by knowing that my little one is okay.

I've never gone through a traumatic experience like this one.  My head keeps replaying the scene (from what I can remember), and it really shakes me up to think of "what could have been".  Facing the reality that random "bad" things happen in everyday life is tough, especially when you think you have control over keeping your family safe.

I have been truly touched by the outpouring of support that I've had in the past few days.  Its so uplifting to know that so many people care about us.  My husband is my rock, and has been so amazing.  I really couldn't make it through without him.

Its going to be a long road to recovery, but things are heading in the right direction.  Today will be full of phone calls to police and insurance, and  I'm sure that will be exhausting, but it is the next step in moving forward.

Please remember to fully appreciate all that you love.  I have been reminded of how easily you can lose someone close to you.  It has given me a new perspective on living each day to its fullest.  Hug and squeeze your little ones, they are so precious.

In health,