Thursday, May 17, 2012


Okay, so I've always been a bit of a germ-a-phobe.  I think things got worse when Lu was born.  I've been struggling with this, but am not really sure if being careful about bacteria and viruses is being a good mommy or a problem.  Maybe since I am "aware" of the problem, it isn't a problem.  Is this too logical?  Do people with psychosis know they are psychotic?

Things have definitely gotten better since I went back to work....Matt's theory was that I was so damned bored on maternity leave that I had plenty of time to obsess over the smallest of things.  I think he was partially correct.

However, I'm still super conscientious about hand washing and my poor hands are so dry.  It seems like I'm in a vicious cycle of handwashing.....I drink a TON of water, leading to lots of bathroom breaks (handwashing each time), I have to handwash before pumping (twice a day), and then I  make sure to wash up before "handling" the baby.  Then there's meal prep and cooking the food, always washing before that, too.  That's a bunch of washing.  I should buy stock in soap.

The other component is the mental part.  I think about germs a lot.  I just don't want to get sick, and especially don't want to get the baby sick.  This seems rational, but I think I might be thinking about it too much.  I never really felt this way after Cy was born.  What's even more strange is that we don't really get sick too often, so I'm not sure why I'm so focused on it.  It would seem that whatever I was doing before was sufficient to keep us healthy, so I don't know where this came from.

I suppose all of this could be hormone related, and I really hope that it eases up a bit.  It's not to the point where its debilitating in any way, but I would really like to stop thinking about it so much.

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