New Year's Un-resolutions

I suppose I'm a little behind on this post...maybe I'm a little behind on blogging....maybe I'm a little behind on life.

I don't really do resolutions for the New Year.  I first did this exercise two years ago, and I thought it was a great way to put thought and direction into life without being so strict as goal setting.  Life is too busy and too crazy to put an additional burden of "accomplishing more" and I'm too Type A to deal with more stuff right now, so this was a fun way for me to feel like I'm starting the year fresh without having to "do" much but just think. 

Theme:  Intentional. Live on Purpose!

I started to think about this at the end of last year, and I really want to focus on it more this year. I want to live well and on purpose.  I want my actions to be deliberate and on purpose, not a byproduct of anything else.  I want to know that I am living the life that I want to live and that I am the designer of that life. 

Phrase: "One Life, Live It"

I had seen this on a Jeep one day while I was out running errands, and it really struck me.  I guess it's a simple phrase, and simple is good....it ties in well with my theme for the year.  I am going to take the bull by the horns this year!  Yes! I am not waiting for tomorrow....I am going to live in the moment, love with my whole heart and experience all that life has to offer.

Color: Green

This was the most difficult one ...and probably the most frivolous and silly part of my exercise, but I put a lot of thought into it.  I almost chose blue, but when I looked into it further, green just aligned better with what I wanted to feel for the year.

I looked up the meaning of colors and here is part of what I found that helped me to make my decision:

"Green is the color of balance and harmony and growth. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart. From a meaning of colors perspective, green is also the color of growth, the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth. It renews and restores depleted energy. It is the sanctuary away from the stresses of modern living, restoring us back to a sense of well being. Green is an emotionally positive color, giving us the ability to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. 

Being a combination of yellow and blue, green encompasses the mental clarity and optimism of yellow with the emotional calm and insight of blue, inspiring hope and a generosity of spirit not available from other colors. This color relates to stability and endurance, giving us persistence and the strength to cope with adversity."

My Kindergartner!!

Cyrus,

Today starts your academic career!!!  I'm so proud to be your mom.  You are an energetic and full of life boy.  You have been a spitfire since the day you were born, and I love every inch of you.

I'm feeling a little more emotional today than I thought I would.  I am remembering the day that we brought you home from the hospital, and how scared I was at the responsibility of parenting you.  It makes me laugh a little today to think about you swaddled into a perfect little bundle, looking so sweet, and how I felt so scared.  Now I know that the scariest parts come much later.  I've relaxed into my role of being your mom, and enjoy my time with you.  You are witty, curious, and ebullient!  (I just like that word...but you ARE!)

Enjoy your time in school.  Soak it all in and make the best of your time.  I hope you continue to have a love for learning and that you will fondly look back on this time.  I told you this morning "Cyrus, the world is your oyster".  You asked what an oyster was....totally ruined the sentiment (but made me laugh).  I love you.

VIBRANT

There is something new going on.  It is wonderful and making life feel amazing. 

I probably won't go into describing it any more than that.....but I just had to share how just damned great life is right now.

A Simpler Life?

Sometimes I feel myself longing for a "simpler" life.  By this, I literally mean: sell house, quit jobs, move far away and live in a tiny little fishing village on the ocean.

Something about removing the stressors in life and just "living" is the appeal.  I have an image in my head of lazy mornings, perfectly behaved children, daily trips to the market for fresh groceries to prepare for the day, afternoons playing at the beach, evenings around a campfire.  

Notice I didn't mention any cleaning, random errands, clothes washing, going to work, children that don't listen?

I think this dreaming all comes from the desire to be a better mom to my kids.  I feel like when the "other" stuff is gone, I have more mental dedication to be present in the moment.  To enjoy time with my kids, and to ENJOY my kids.  Instead of playing with my son for "just 5 more minutes" so that I can move the next load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, I'd like to have more time.  I hate to feel like I'm moving from one task to the next.  There are tastes of this feeling on the weekends, but there is always SOMETHING else to do.  I am in constant motion.  Is this self inflicted?  Mostly.

After thinking about it for a bit, here are the two (completely conflicting) thoughts I have on actually having a "simpler life":
1- I would have limitless time to spend with and nuture my children.  They would become my everything, then they would grow up and want to "explore the world" that I had sheltered them from, and I will end up devestated to be without them.
2- I would hate not having "something of my own" that would be separate from the children (and family life in general), and would resent the entire experience.

Hm.  Maybe what I really need is just a vacation.  Maybe I overthink things a bit?  Maybe i just need to find a bit more balance.  Maybe I should just be happy with what I have.  More "Carpe Diem" and less "what if?" 

Who knows.

Catching up...the cliff note version

So, it seems like I spend more time here when I'm tired, miserable, grumpy....or HAPPY!
Not much of the in-between.  Guess "normal" isn't always terribly exciting.  Usually things slow down over the summer, and there is so much more time to think, contemplate, write...but not so much this year.  I'll recap with some quick things, and try to do better about spending some more time here ;)

The kids are growing like weeds.  I love them to bunches and am really enjoying time with them.  The more time I enjoy, the less time I document...then the more inadequate I feel.  Insert viscious cycle.  Bleck.  I'm really trying to find the balance between "this is fun!" and "this is fun, take a picture, post to Facebook!".

Cy turned 5 (!?!?!) and Matt turned 40.  We had an awesome party at the house (complete with a very huge pig roast) and it was wildly successful.  One of the best parties.  If I was getting married again, I would totally have a pig roast for it.  SO MUCH FUN.  There was a bouncy house and tons of kids running around (getting dirty, drinking juice boxes, and plunging faces into cupcakes).  When everything calmed down at night, we got a fire going in the pit, opened up whatever wine and beer was left, and just enjoyed ourselves. The next morning was sponsored by ADVIL.  Yikes.  But, so worth it.

(yes, you will, my boy)

Lulu is continuing to grow into mini Me. She is such a mama's girl, and loves to help.  Raising a girl is infinitely different that it was with the boy.  (There is plenty of good and bad with this).  She's stuck to me like glue most of the time.  Which I love (and hate sometimes, too).

Summer has been hot but awesome so far.  We've been spending a ton of time at the lake.  Lu hangs with me, but is loving jumping from the docks into the water.  Cy is a fish, and could spend all day there.  I love being there with them, and I feel like this is where the memories that I remember when I really old will come from.  I've felt that ever since I started taking Cy there.  Its just magic.

The bathroom remodel is underway.  Holy cow.  It is going to be amazing.  Living through it is actually manageable, but not ideal.  At least we have the half bath downstairs.  Traveling to the gym in the morning is less of a pain than I thought it would be.  I kind of enjoy the dedicated quiet time to myself....but not enough to continue after the bathroom is completed.

I completed a Whole30 in May (another post to follow on this...I've started a draft) (Okay...I've started like 12 drafts, but plan to actually finish that one).  It was AMAZING.  I really can't say enough great things about it.  It has completely changed my relationship with food.

Happy.  

Hold onto this. 

Remember how good it feels.

Learn to pull on these memories when feeling stressed.

Okay.  I have no more time to keep typing.

Look for my Whole30 wrapup soon!!