A fun birthday party

My oldest is 4 years old.  You don't even have to ask him...it's the first thing he will tell you when you meet him.  He loves being "old".  Ha!  Since his birthday was on Thursday, and his party was on Sunday, he thought he turned 5 on Sunday.  Slow down, fella!  You have another year to go!

The birthday party for Cy was great!

Even the little one had fun for part of the party (even though she was sick and needed breathing treatments the next day!)

The bouncy house was a hit!  My husband made a good call on that one!!

Cy was in his element.  Being the center of attention is no problem for him.  He especially liked playing with the "big boys" (ages 7-10).  Water guns and frisbees...fun times.

Another gratuitous baby picture.  How is she so sweet?  

Happy birthday to you, Cyrus.  May your years be filled with happiness and delight.  May you always feel the excitement in everyday joys that you do today.

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy

Cy,
You have been with us for 4 years, now!  It really is amazing how fast time flies.  I still remember bringing you home from the hospital like it was yesterday.  I was terrified!  I couldn't believe they let us leave with you....we really had no idea what we were doing.  I guess we are learning that the first kid is the experiment.

You are full of life and a very energetic little boy!  You love all transportation-type vehicles: Trains, Planes, Cars, Rocket Ships, Trucks, etc.  I think your favorite food is Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.  You eat it almost every day for lunch.  You love to ride your bike (fast!), and are quite a daredevil.  You are constantly trying to "pop wheelies" on it, even though it still has training wheels.  You love to write your letters and draw.  You are the sweetest big brother that I know, and take very good care of your sister.  You love to play Wii with Daddy (I don't think you like to play with me, cause I'm just not very good).

I have loved watching you grow.  You amaze me everyday, and I'm so proud to be your mama.


Cyrus at one day old:

Cyrus at four years old:

Things I say 8 billion times a day

Here are the phrases that can be heard in our house OVER and OVER and OVER
every.single.day.

Please be quiet

Please be gentle with your sister

Please give your sister a little space

Please don't touch the top of your sister's head

Not so LOUD, please!

Because I said so


Is there a better way to do this?  Am I just too picky?  Am I too sensitive to noise in my old age?
I have come to the conclusion that it is the role of a kid to drive a parent crazy.

Almost time to supplement

My freezer stash has dwindled. I have enough to make it through next week, then I will need to supplement for Lu. It will be about 2 weeks shy of 6 months of exclusive breast feeding!! I'm really glad I made it this long, and surprised that I feel a little sad right now. I don't have anything against formula, I gave it to Cy at 3 months old when he was away from me, and he is fine. I didn't have the patience or the desire to pump for him. For some reason, I felt that it was very important to pump for Lulu. I don't know why. But, it's been a source of pride. I feel good knowing that since things are working well for us, that I am doing my best to keep it going.

Now we are at a point in time where she drinks 18 ounces when she is at daycare, and I'm only pumping about 15 ounces per day. I was tempted to add pumping sessions or even start pumping on the weekends when I realized that the frozen supply will be gone after next week, but I decided against it. Adding 3 ounces of formula a day is fine. I'm just wondering if I should add it to the 3 ounces of pumped milk, or make a separate bottle?

We started solids with her, and she couldn't be more opposite from how Cy was. She shows very little interest, and appears to enjoy chewing on the bib more than anything else. Although, she really seemed to enjoy the avocado. Yum.

First Ear Infection

Little Miss Lu has her first ear infection. Poor sweetie pie is the example of how every sick baby should be. I took her to the doctor this morning because she's had goopy eyes for a few days and was awake coughing for most of last night. I honestly thought she was just having bad allergies, and didn't suspect an ear infection at all. She was smiling and happy during most of the exam. What a ham.

Now is the scary part: waiting to see if she has a reaction to the antibiotic. Cy doesn't have any allergies, so hopefully she will follow suit.

Does this look like a sick baby?
Love her.

Germs

Okay, so I've always been a bit of a germ-a-phobe.  I think things got worse when Lu was born.  I've been struggling with this, but am not really sure if being careful about bacteria and viruses is being a good mommy or a problem.  Maybe since I am "aware" of the problem, it isn't a problem.  Is this too logical?  Do people with psychosis know they are psychotic?

Things have definitely gotten better since I went back to work....Matt's theory was that I was so damned bored on maternity leave that I had plenty of time to obsess over the smallest of things.  I think he was partially correct.

However, I'm still super conscientious about hand washing and my poor hands are so dry.  It seems like I'm in a vicious cycle of handwashing.....I drink a TON of water, leading to lots of bathroom breaks (handwashing each time), I have to handwash before pumping (twice a day), and then I  make sure to wash up before "handling" the baby.  Then there's meal prep and cooking the food, always washing before that, too.  That's a bunch of washing.  I should buy stock in soap.

The other component is the mental part.  I think about germs a lot.  I just don't want to get sick, and especially don't want to get the baby sick.  This seems rational, but I think I might be thinking about it too much.  I never really felt this way after Cy was born.  What's even more strange is that we don't really get sick too often, so I'm not sure why I'm so focused on it.  It would seem that whatever I was doing before was sufficient to keep us healthy, so I don't know where this came from.

I suppose all of this could be hormone related, and I really hope that it eases up a bit.  It's not to the point where its debilitating in any way, but I would really like to stop thinking about it so much.

A Great Mother's Day

Being a mom is really the hardest job there is....but it is also the most rewarding.  My kids make me incredibly happy and I feel so lucky to be their mom.  I never thought this was the path my life would take, and now I can say that I can't imagine my life without them.  (Although, I do reflect back and wonder what the heck I did with all of my free time!?!?!)

My son adores my daughter, and she smiles the biggest for him.  My hope for them is that they have a lifelong friendship.  

Adorable.

So, this weekend was really busy, but the weather was great, and we had a lot of great "family" time.  We had T-ball on Saturday (cutest thing ever) and then a party at the neighbor's house.  Watching Cy play with the "big kids" (they were all in the 10 to 15 ish range) was a hoot.  They are such great kids, and let him tag along with them, throwing Boccie balls, climbing trees, and playing hide and seek.  He was worn out at the end of the night, but exhilarated at all of the excitement. 

On Sunday (Mother's Day), I got to sleep in for a bit (until 7:30!), then Matt made pancake breakfast.  When he went for a run, I got to spend some quality playtime with the kids.  It was nice to just sit and play Legos, and not have to rush around and go anywhere.  It was a great way to reflect and realize that this is what its all about.  Sitting with your kids, interacting, playing, watching their wheels turn.  Amazing.  Little minds at work.  Cy was busy building a robot (deciding if he would be a good guy or a bad guy), while Lu just wants to grab things and put them in her mouth.    

When Matt got back, we planted the Gerbera Daisies that Cy had picked out for me for Mother's Day.  He was so sweet with them, and Matt said he picked them out on his own, without any prompting.  He was so cute when he gave them to me....almost shy.

Later in the evening I got to go to Yoga class.  WOW.  This was the first class I've ever attended, and it was awesome!  I felt so great, very energized.  I'm going to make an effort to make this my Sunday routine.  Getting out and away to do something for myself is exactly what I needed.  I think this will be the key to my sanity.  I'm definitely sore today, so the physical benefits will be good as well.  Hopefully I can prevent "mom butt".

ha.

AJ

BOOBS

Time magazine used a photo of a breastfeeding mom as the cover, and it is making quite a buzz.  The article that goes with the photo is about attachment parenting.

Here's what I have to say: WHO CARES!?!?!?!?!
The article is obviously highlighting extreme cases (and in the case of the photo, the mom has extended breastfeeding for 4 years).  Seems to me like these parents really love their kids, and are making a choice on how to raise them.  The kids are not suffering and are fine.  Why can't we just butt out of other peoples business?  Why don't they highlight stories of crack babies who really need some help and attention?

As far as breastfeeding goes, it always seems to create quite a conversation.  People get very fired up about the topic, and I really don't get it.  Breasts have a function: to make milk and feed a baby.  Just like any other body part, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.  Also, some people just don't want to breastfeed, so they choose to use formula.  Is this really such a big deal?  As long as the baby is being loved and nurtured (AND FED), why put effort into judging someone?

Personally, I fed my son with a mixture of breastmilk and formula, and have chosen to exclusively breastfeed my daughter.  Both kids are fine.  The formula didn't harm my son.  I don't know how long I will continue with breastfeeding my daughter (I assume until she self weans), and my son self weaned at 9 months.  I like the closeness I feel to my children when I breastfeed, but I also like the convenience.  Not having to make a bottle in the middle of the night is super convenient (although, having to pump at work is NOT!).  There are pros and cons with both scenarios, and finding the perfect balance for your family is what works best.

The point is, parents (specifically mothers) have a hard enough time.  Give them a break.  This issue is not as big as everyone makes it.  Just be "pro" feeding and butt out.
;)

AJ

Feeling better

So, this week is so much better than last week.  I really think that some kind of hormonal shifts were making me feel so miserable, and they might have evened out.  Who really knows?  I just know I am thankful to feel like a normal person again.

With Mother's Day coming up this weekend, it reminds me we really do go through so much (physically and mentally) for our children.  It amazes me the full spectrum of feelings that children can cause...from joy through frustration and even anxiety.  I'm also amazed by the realization that when you keep thinking things will get easier, they really just get more complicated.  The "problems" of a newborn are nothing compared to the power struggles of a 3 year old.  I can't even imagine the challenges of the teenage years.

I'm learning to savor all of it.  I'm reminding myself that this time really does fly by and if I don't take time to enjoy it, it will be gone. It's easier to remember this with the baby, since I *know* this is the "last time" I'll be doing all these things.  The finality of it makes it easier to deal with the not-so-fun parts.

maybe tears really are toxic

I broke down last night.  I cried during dinner...the whole time.  I just couldn't stop.  Things have just been simmering, and I couldn't keep them in any more.  Poor Cy kept asking why I was sad.  Poor Matt kept telling him that sometimes people just cry.  And clueless little Lu sat happily looking around.

Matt and I talked about things, about how to make it better.  I think we got to the heart of the real issue, that I need to let go of some control.  My inner control freak is trying to kill me (ha!).  I need to let him take over doing some things, even if he doesn't do them the same (or as good) as I do.  I know that he is right, and am lucky to have such a supportive husband.  (However, there is such a huge part of me that just wants to do everything, do it right, and feel good about being able to do it ....recipe for disaster, eh?)  Maybe I will let him do the dishes.

Even though there was no real resolution, I feel better.  I read somewhere one time that (emotional) tears can contain toxic byproducts, and that letting them out can make you physically feel better.  I might actually believe it.  Nothing changed, but my anxiety and anger level went down after I was done.

I don't know why all of this has to be so stressful.  I wish I really do want to get back to enjoying life.  I know that having a young baby is a temporary "problem", and that things will evolve on their own time.  I don't like wishing this time away.  I am constantly trying to remind myself that in a few years, I will look back and see this as the "easy" time and not understand why I was so stressed.